What My Son is Teaching Me - part 3. The Final Chapter.
April 2, 2010
I've had this post on my mind and heart for a long time. I really hope it comes out the right way. I've been putting it off out of fear but today of all days seems to be the right day to say it.
It's Good Friday - the day that people who believe the Jesus was the Son of God remember and celebrate (yes, celebrate) His death. For those people his death means life. Jesus did not only promise life after death but said that he came to give us life to the full - here and now.
The narrative told to us in the Bible says that Jesus was God's son. So God was Jesus' Father. The message is clear - God's love for humanity was so selfless and so overwhelming that he chose to freely send and give his Son to die for the salvation and hope of everyone who lived, was ever alive and would ever be alive after that time.
Here's the thing: I wouldn't have done it for you. I don't love you enough. If I could have choosen to give you hope or keep my son I think I would have kept my son. I love Izaak more than I love you. I'm not big enough, strong enough, compassionate enough, selfless enough, or loving enough to give my son for you.
That's why it had to be God. His love is bigger, stronger, more compassionate, and more selfless than the entirety of human history could ever be or show.
What is your concept of who God is? What is the preeminent picture you have in your mind about Him? Think about it. The next time the concept of a higher power crosses your mind I'd encourage you, stop and personalize Him for a moment. Get human about the whole thing. The relationship God had with Jesus is at least the same as you have with your kids, your niece's and nephews, or those adorable kids your friends and neighbours let you get your weekly cute kid fix with. If God was someone that you knew, someone with kids, and he somehow expressed his love for you through them, how much more would that endear you to him? How much more then could the concept that he gave his son for the betterment of humanity endear you to God? Can you let that resonate in and with your soul for a minute? I think it's meant to.
Maybe this just seems crazy to you. Maybe not. I hope that this is helpful on your spiritual journey, wherever it is. I know that my son has taught me so much on my own journey and I'm pretty sure that he's able to help you on yours if you'll let his short life speak words that I believe God gave him to speak.
I saw this video today on my friend Jason's blog. Jason and I have been friends for a long time now and I love how much respect he has for people and their creativity. He's challenged and pushed me over time to see creativity outside of the traditional boundaries and to include even things like software as deserving creative respect.
His blog focused on artistry but I wanted to talk a bit about story telling. As I watch this woman write her song I'm reminded of how powerful story telling is and how those who learn to become master story tellers are some of the most powerful members of humanity. I think it's one of the gifts Jesus had and one of the most magnetic parts of his human nature. When I read the scriptures his stories draw me in and make me think on a deeper level.
It's my hope and prayer that as we are in Toronto, a place full of cultural story tellers, that God will use Montage to influence those story tellers towards relationship with Jesus. Just imagine how much different our country and culture would be if we were all (not just those tuning into Christian programming) hearing stories on TV, the radio, at the theatre, and on our iPods that were told by story tellers who's lives were given to Jesus and yet living out that faith and salvation amongst the population?
Keep in mind that we're all telling stories even if we're not artists. What can we learn from this thoughtful process that applies to the careful thought we could be giving to our stories as we anticipate opportunities to share with and engage those around us?
Don’t you wish there was a recipe for life.Add this, this and this and your results are an easy life.As we know we are not promised an easy life.And I don’t believe that if you simply follow a set do’s and don’ts you’ll have results that equal a pain free, easy or simple journey.
I notice something interesting as I read a section in Philippians today.
“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”
Peace. We long for it don’t we. We stress and we worry. We have ulcers, migraines, and heart attacks all caused by stress. Peace, the whole world is in search of it. We have retreat centres, world forums,books, podcast all about how to achieve this elusive peace.It seems like it runs, it hides from us. What if there was a recipe for peace, the peace that surpasses all understanding.
Paul gives us this recipe in the book of Philippians.
4Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. 5Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplicationwith thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7Andthe peace of God,which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Did you catch there? Read it again…..
Here it is the recipe for Peace:
1. 1.Rejoice- always
2. 2. Be reasonable
3. 3. Do not be anxious
4. 4. Pray
5. 5. Request
Okay so it’s not the simplest recipe. But just think what if you approach that stressful situation you going through with these 5 ‘steps’.Paul says pretty clearly if you do this things that the peace of God,which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
So gut check for Melissa.Where I am falling short in seeking out the peace of God. What am I not rejoicing in? What am I being unreasonable about? What am I worry about? When am I not going to to God in prayer? What am I not requesting with thanksgiving?
Today my list feels long. But as least I know where to start.
Do you have JOY that goes beyond your circumstances?What determines your JOY?Where is your JOY found?
A few years ago I was in a drama at our church and a line that still stands out me is “Joy is Choice Joyce”(the character’s name was Joyce)That line will replays in my head often. It’s a reminder to me that I can have a choice of how I respond to the circumstances that are going on around me.That I can choose joy even in dark times. This line of thinking of course has been challenged over this past weeks.But I can still choose joy. I can choose it because I can look at my life:I see my husband, an amazing man of God who makes me laugh and loves me so deeply, I can see my daughter who smiles and giggles and hugs me so tightly – I could make a list probably a 100 pages deep of things that bring joy.
However what if like Job these things were taken away? Can I still choose joy and hope?Could I say “though he slay me, I will hope in him” Job13:15.Only if your trust, hope and JOY is found in Jesus can your joy go beyond your circumstances.
So my continual challenge is choose joy in the everyday living. When I feel overwhelmed, or when the guy in front of me cuts me off or when my toddler is throwing fit at the mall – can I still choose joy.
NOWwhat I’m not talking about it fakeness – forcing a smile and pretending everything is okay when your broken inside. But it is in those broken times, frustrating times, ugly times can you still choose that inner joy that goes along with a hope found in Jesus. If you can, this joy and hope will help to pull you though.
Easy to write, harder to do.Let’s see how it goes as I choose to really focus on this over these next few days. JOY is choice Joyce!
At my house, the Olympics are on 24/7. We just love the stories and the competition. It's amazing to me how close most of these competitors are to one another. Take the downhill skiing events. More than fifty competitors race and the entire field is separated by less than four seconds! Amazing! Olympic athletes understand that every second counts.
I believe my son had the same soul as an Olympian.
Izaak had roughly three hours on this planet. Based on the outpouring from people, the goodness he has brought out of people and the lessons our family is learning through his life he used every second of his life to maximum effect.
I want to live my life using every minute for the maximum good. I know I haven't always done that. I've wasted too many minutes and hours, even days, in my life up to now. It's easy to do that. There are so many things to "waste time" on:
Video games.
Television.
Sleeping in.
The internet.
Those are some of the ones I waste time on.
Paul, one of the early followers of Jesus, encouraged those coming after to him to understand life like an olympic athlete does when they compete. Every second counts!
1 Corinthians 9:24-27
24Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 25Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 26Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. 27No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.
I sometimes wonder how different my life would be when it comes to the things that really matter, like representing Jesus to those who don't yet believe, if I took this seriously. What if I took my job as a follower of Jesus as seriously as an olympic athlete takes their competition? If I spent the vast majority of my time working as hard as I can to be the kind of person who is ready to represent Christ is every situation with honor, integrity and determination that I pray God would be pleased to use for his purposes?
Following Jesus IS like a competition. There is a prize and how we train and compete DOES matter.
What a message for me to hear! This is the second lesson I feel like God is speaking to me as a result of Izaak's short life. In honor of my son I am going to work increasingly towards this end.
Love can be tricky, can it?I mean just look at all the songs written about it (don’t believe pick up the new John Mayer album).The past 2 days I’ve tried focus on being more loving.It’s been hard… I can’t believe how many times I’ve lost my temper in these past 2 days. I would stop in the middle of it and go “crap, I’m suppose to be working on loving more and I’m suppose to blog about it!”
I read 1 Corinthians13 and I’m realizing thatthis is the prefect loveand that I fall short of this perfect love. However God does not.I am so thankful that God looks at me and looks at you and says I love you like this:
4”Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
This gives me a guide, a goal to work towards. And I’m glad that I can look towards one day being able to give perfect love as I receive it.
I ran across this site this morning. It's the kind of thing I wish I was smart enough to dream up. I'll still with dreaming of a transformative faith community and leave this to the folks over at A Beautiful Idea. This is certainly the kind of thing though that I'd love you to check out and if you've got skills consider donating them for a good cause.
HOW IT WORKS:
Artists partner with A Beautiful Idea and create a product. They sell it and donate the money to our current charity in A Beautiful Idea’s donation center. It's that simple.
Last year I did a blogging series through out lent. I had decided to fast from watching television. It was honestly an amazing time of growth in my life.This year I’ve decided that I would participate again in lent in my own unique way. So instead of fasting I’ve decided to add something into my life.Over the next 46 days I’m going to focus on the fruits of spirit.Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Nine in total.Every few days I’ll switch over to another fruit and work through what God might be saying to me and about my character through each of these.
You’re invited to come along, join in if you want. From February 17th to February 21stI’m going to focus on the first fruit of spirit –LOVE. I love God’s sense of timing. This morning Layla climbed up on Tim’s lap and want to read what daddy was reading which happened to be the Bible. So what should Tim happen to read out loud – 1 Corinthians 13 – the chapter all about Love. So I think that’s where I’ll start my journey today.
Just after Izaak passed away I started running the first verse of a song I like through my head. Although John Mayer wrote it about a romantic love that's gone wrong and the pain that often accompanies that life experience I couldn't help but wonder what it will be like when I dream about Izaak. Will I ever have a picture in my mind of him as older? Will I ever see with my minds eye a day that we might have spent together? I don't know - but I imagine if I ever do have a dream like that it will feel something like this:
When you're dreaming with a broken heart
Then waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for a moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was he really here?
Is he standing in my room?
No he's not, 'cause he's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....
I went out this morning to get a coffee and forced myself to listen to this song just so that I'd feel something about it. I think the weirdest thing about this grief is that when I feel good I feel guilty for feeling good. Sometimes I just want to feel more of the weight of our loss so that I dont forget so easily what a gift my son is to me.
So I’ve decided to be honest during this whole blogging experience. I would be easy to simply say fake words or false thoughts. But I as much I do all of this for myself I also do this for others.
If I look for this experience just change me that would be selfish, I want my son’s life, as short as it was, to help others.
So honesty huh? Well I thought it was suppose to be easier as time went along.And there are parts of the grief that are easier. However I was surprised this weekend by the anger and frustration I’ve been feeling over the past few days.There is this part of me that wants to move forward now.I want to be about something other then just grief (although I know that will be apart for me for awhile). However the simple things that I did before like putting my daughter down for her nap I can’t do because I’m still physically healing. And this has made me so frustrated over this past couple of days.I know it may seem silly. I mean most of the time I would love a break.
I shared this all with Tim yesterday and with one of my good friends Kate.Tim reminded me that these are difficult times and that’s okay.It’s okay that I’m feeling frustrated, angry and all the other emotions that grief bring. It’s how I response to these emotions. Do I give in and allow them to simply over take me? OR do I stop, realize the reasons I feel this way and learn the lessons that God has for me in all of this.
Today I feel better. I started my day by tickling my daughter and with a good cup of coffee. Taking delight in the small things that God blesses us with everyday.
