Maybe it's no surprise that my writing this week has me reflecting on Tele and our choice to give him a new home. To be honest it feels harder today than it has yet. Anyhow - despite the sadness I still now its the right thing for us to do - even if it feels like the most difficult thing in the world right now. Here's the text I gave to Lon:
Have you ever felt like the fates are conspiring just the right way to align the small coincidences of your life into a web of deeper meaning? Like the mystical forces of the universe are trying to, through seemingly unrelated circumstances, whisper a subtle yet profound message into your ear? Yeah me either. Well, except in this case. The fact that I’ve gotten the chapter on pragmatism at this point in my life seems to me to be just the right topic for me to read.
You see, in the near future my wife who is currently 19 weeks pregnant with a baby boy, 18 month old daughter, and myself will be moving into the heart of downtown Toronto. We’re really excited about that and yet, for anyone who knows me and my family, that description of who is moving to Toronto is incomplete. You see there is a very important, well loved, member of our family who we are not able to take with us and to be honest it’s ripping my heart out slowly every time I think about it.
Tele is our 6 year old purebred Siberian Husky and he is as much a part of our family as any of the rest of us. In almost every way he is the perfect dog. Melissa and I bought Tele the year after we got married to celebrate our first anniversary. We saw him in a pet store and he stole our heart – perhaps especially mine. Melissa worked as a flight attendant during the first 4 years of our marriage and so she was away a lot. Tele became my company when she saw gone. He slept at the foot of my bed at night and kept me company if I had a night alone at the house. He’s come on countless runs with me, lived in 3 different cities with us and is generally the best friend a boy…I mean man could ask for.
Despite all of my emotional attachment to Tele I know that bringing him into an urban environment and adding that as another chore for my wife to deal with is not a wise choice. My wife knows this – she knows that amongst the business of our schedules, a new baby who needs a lot of her time and a 2 year old that won’t understand why she’s not the only one who needs attention any more that trying to help walk and feed a dog will just be too much. Knowing is not enough some times though. I think one of the things we love about women is how deeply they feel. And yet, I think in the end her emotional ties to this much loved member of our family would probably lead to a less than optimal decision in this case. Women and men make such a perfect pairing for many reasons not the least of which is how they help us to feel more and how we sometimes balance a purely emotional response with our God given pragmatic minds and grit.
This situation with Tele is where the rubber has hit the road for our family when it comes to the need for a strong father to have pragmatism and grit. Tele is my boy. I love him to death – probably more than some people would think sane or healthy. But logically I just can’t see how he’ll fit into our new life in Toronto so it’s up to me, to use my pragmatic brain, and summon the internal grit to give him to another love home where we will miss him like crazy but ultimately where both he and us will be more happy for the long haul.
I can’t personally relate to the examples the author gives in this chapter – images of broken homes needing mending and such. I can however relate to her overall theme. One friend said to me regarding our choice to give Tele away “you’ve got much larger cojones than me to give up man’s best friend”. I don’t claim that to be actually true but men – your families, your daughters, need you to have the grit and pragmatism, the cojones if you will, to make tough decisions and ground them when necessary. I really appreciate the author for affirming this often demeaned part of a man’s role in his house. I am fully in support of equal rights and yet I also realize there are some roles best suited to one gender or the other. I think this is one area that MUST be stepped into by Fathers. I think if you take time to read the pages of this chapter you will feel encouraged and empowered to do so. I can’t think of a better end to 30 minutes worth of reading.
When God called us to plant a church I knew we'd have to give a lot up. I expected to give up comforts and rights, freedoms and individualist dreams but honestly I never thought I'd have to give up my dog.
It's become increasingly clear to Melissa and I that Tele will not do well in Toronto. Not because he's a bad dog or won't make the move but because with two kids and a full schedule with no backyard a 90lb husky will not be well exercised or loved as he should be.
I've put this off for a long time. I can't procrastinate on it any more.
So - in all seriousness, does anyone have room in their home and heart for what might be the world's greatest dog? He has all of his shots up to date and as far as we know is the image of health. All of our vets and pet store groomers believe Tele to be about the best behaved husky they've ever seen.
He does have one major downside - he sheds like mad twice a year and sheds all the time anyhow. You need to know that before you get him.
That being put aside he really does love people. He's an indoor dog and WON'T make a transition to being an outdoor dog. I'll save you that headache ;-) He's the best canine friend you could ask for and I'd be entirely grateful if someone gave him a wonderful home.
Today's review comes from Sam Radford. Sam and his wife Rachel are a couple Melissa and I had the pleasure of meeting just a couple of short weeks ago. They are from Sheffield, England, a place where only 2% of the population attends any kind of church (Catholic and Anglican included) and are exploring new ways of living a Jesus centered life in their local context. It's exciting and challenging to talk to people like them. I hope you appreciate his insights and humor as you read his post here
There are 2 more Strong Fathers posts for you to read over at www.solarcrash.com
Here are a couple of snippets:
Pt 2:
I’ll admit my experience is limited – my daughter is barely three months old. But anyone with a blog has an opinion. And I know the co-ordinator here, I ain’t afraid to ask to be in on it. So here goes.
Chapter 2 establishes how to be a hero to our daughters. Show leadership and authority in protecting her. Persevering and staying on course when times, and wives, and daughters, are tough.
One of the key takeaways for me was when Meeker cautions, “remember that when she pushes hard against your rules, flailing, crying that you are mean or unfair, she is really asking you a question: Am I worth the fight, Dad?… Make sure she knows the answer is yes.” Am I worth the fight? It’s a question humanity asked Jesus and that cost him his life. It seems it’s a question that will be asked of us. And I so want to say yes, yes, yes.
and part 3:
My girls are still young. The older two talk about boys occasionally, but more in the abstract “we’re supposed to like boys” kind of way. They obsess over the Jonas Brothers and we don’t even have cable, so they might have seen the show once or twice. I know that a time is coming, though, when talking about boys will shift to actually liking (and eventually loving) boys.
With that in mind, the introduction to this chapter was incredibly encouraging. I am their first love. No matter who else is in their life or how cute they are, I am still the one that they will compare them back to (hopefully not the cute part). Except that means that I am also the one who is setting the standard for how they give and receive love as well. And while that, too, adds a bit of boost to the ego, it is also a bit challenging and frightening.
Meeker talks about five things that dad’s need to do/focus on to help their daughter’s get a healthy dose of and view of love.
Have you ever been in a situation where someone prematurely judged you? Someone meets you, spends a few minutes or hours with you and maybe didn't even really try to get to know you or listen and suddenly they've got this negative opinion about you? They never came back to get clarification, they never assumed maybe you had a bad day or moment, they just judged you. Isn't it just about the most awful feeling in the world? I mean your mind is racing, trying to figure out what you did wrong, what you said or did, how it could have been different. You feel this internal tension and sometimes the thought runs through your mind "you made you judge and jury over me?". Right?
Can you relate to this? Maybe share a time where this happened to you and how you felt...
I think this is one problem people have with the church. In our zeal to get people to know that their behaviors are not approved by God we in the church often resort to casting judgement down on others. The problem is that this is not nor ever was our job. Jesus is the one who ultimately judges but oddly enough he hasn't yet. So why should we?
This month I've been reading through the book of John. I love John's writing style and the unique spin he puts on Jesus' life and teaching. Because of the uniqueness I think certain aspects of Jesus' mission and purpose become more clear to me as I read these pages.
One of the things that has really struck me is how often Jesus says "I did not come to judge". What? Yup - it's there. Several times. Read it. Let it soak in. I DID NOT COME TO JUDGE.
Our job as Christians is to reflect Jesus to the world. To bear witness if you want the churchy vernacular. If Jesus didn't come to judge, why would we want to judge?
There is a day of reckoning coming and I believe we need to tell people that. Sin is a part of life that should be eliminated. I won't ever say that those things are not true. But is there not a difference between proclaiming truth and casting judgement? Between pleading with people to see the light and taking secret pleasure in knowing we're safe from hell but our enemies will burn in eternal damnation?
There are a lot of things I want Montage to become. Among them is this - I want Montage to be a community free of human judgement. A place where GRACE abounds. A place where people are encouraged to come as they are...and then to become more as a result of their interaction with Jesus and those who follow him.
In your mind's eye, what would this look like? Can you articulate some things or ways a faith community could be more grace filled and less judgemental?
As I mentioned last week I'm doing a group blogging project. Today is the first day of the project and I'm happy to bring you the first post. You can find it here.
This is the intro Lon gives on his blog:
The Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters Group Blogging Project begins today! The next three weeks an awesome group of guys will be chronicling their chapter-by-chapter reflections through the book. If you’re a dad at any stage – keep tracking with us here.
Chapter One – Today’s post is brought to you by Marty Schmidt – an awesome friend and church planter in Iowa.
I hope you'll all follow along and post in the original thread as well as leave your comments here. Perhaps we can all learn from one another over the next few weeks.
Coming next week - Thoughts on Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters
November 13, 2009
Earlier this week I gave a shout out to my friend Lon Wong. Lon has organized a number of bloggers to join him in a 2 week review of the book "Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters". He asked me if I'd review a chapter on November 27, and I will, but the blogging starts next week. I will be linking to those posts each of the next seven days. I'd really encourage anyone who is a dad or even wants to be a dad one day to read these posts. I think you'll get some really great insights from Christ following fathers that might be helpful to you as the book has been to me. Also, through the process, you'll get to meet several young leaders who are living lives on mission for and with Jesus.
I just wanted to share my guy check for today. I was reading from John's gospel this morning. Chapter 6 verse 27 says this: "Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life".
When we look at life through the lenses of what really matters, I think we often see that what we're working so hard for, what we think will make us fulfilled, is in fact rotten and worthless. Jesus says "The work of the Father is to believe in the one he has sent". We know Jesus does not desire mere belief but that he requires us to invest our whole personhood in serving him.
My gut check today is this - am I investing my whole personhood in living for Jesus or am I pursuing something that in the end is insignificant and spoiled? It's a sobering thought for me. Perhaps thinking about it can move us all past those pursuits and on to what really matters. Let's strive for that today, together.
Do you have a gut check thought you might want to share today? Perhaps what's helping to align and focus you will be of help to someone else.
Some time ago now I had the chance to meet Lon through a web based conversation. It was funny - there was the presenter, me and Lon chatting. Of all the people in the world that could have tuned into that conversation two guys from Toronto happened to be there. I feel like Lon and I have a lot in common. Especially when it comes to our passion for the City of Toronto and seeing the future culture creators there come to know, love and trust Jesus as God.
Stop by Lon's blog. He's got some great stuff there. I love what I've gotten to know about his heart - he really gets the ministry is about investing in people and he loves Jesus. He has a broad range of interests and is a great guy. What's not to love about that?
Every once in a while I realize that I've never made it all the way through an album I own. I had that experience yesterday while running. Suddenly this great U2 song was in my ear that I know I'd never heard before. I loved it and so I thought I'd share it. What a magnificent line "Grace makes everything beautiful".
Grace
She takes the blame
She covers the shame
Removes the stain
It could be her name
Grace
It's a name for a girl
It's also a thought that
Changed the world
And when she walks on the street
You can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness
In everything
Grace
She's got the walk
Not on a ramp or on chalk
She's got the time to talk
She travels outside
Of karma, karma
She travels outside
Of karma
When she goes to work
You can hear the strings
Grace finds beauty
In everything
Grace
She carries a world on her hips
No champagne flute for her lips
No twirls or skips
Between her fingertips
She carries a pearl
In perfect condition
What once was hurt
What once was friction
What left a mark
No longer stings
I've realized that I'm not a very good student of my city (I'm going to refer to Toronto as my city from now on). As an outsider coming into the downtown core of Toronto I realize I'm going to be looked on with some skepticism and will be kept at some people's arms length until I prove that I'm one of them.
As a man on a mission to serve the city of Toronto, to add value in the hopes that I'll gain the right to talk to them about Jesus I know I need to be learning as much as I can about Toronto before I get there. I'm beginning to re-prioritize my blog reading and web surfing time so that I can get a sense of the city politically, socially and most of all culturally. I'm coming to the conviction that this is a missing component to our missional strategy. Do we know our cities so well that we're constantly seeing ways to serve, aid and re-align the city towards Jesus? Do we know that ways as followers of Jesus that our city most needs to be shown and loved into Jesus' family?
I wonder if any of you out there are fans and hobbyists of your city? If so, would you mind sharing some of your best ideas?
I've had the pleasure over the past week to take in two shows. Both of them sparked thoughts for me that I think are relevant to the church engaging culture.
The first show was a movie. Mel and I took advantage of her parents visiting and went to see "The Invention of Lying". To be honest I wasn't a big fan of the movie for a number of reasons. However, it was thought provoking. What would the world be like truly devoid of any kind of untruth. No flattery (no, that outfit does NOT make you look fat!), no filters on what we say, and no twisting situations to make them seem more positive than they really might be (hello, leaders?). The movie takes many shots at God and Christianity essentially saying religion is a construct of lies made to make us feel better. I'd heartily disagree but that's not the main point of my post. It's more to point out a conversation that's actually happening in the world - enough that some people invested millions to make a movie about it - and these are the kinds of conversations we need to get engaged in. What is out grace filled response to these thoughts? How do we help shape people's opinions without being enraged and do more harm than good?
The second show was just last night. My friend's Chris and Andrew took me to a concert at the Blind Pig in Ann Arbor by a band to whom, until last week, I had not known about. The band is called Need to Breathe and I really enjoyed the show - despite being too short to see most of what was happening. Even without seeing I could tell they were good guys, not at all stuck up rock stars, with great music, amazing lyrics, and just a generally infectious vibe. My friends tell me they also are Christ followers.
What they're doing resonates with me so much. They're engaging and effecting culture from the inside. I'm writing this because if there is anything I can do to help that process I'll do it. The concert ended last night was the most intriguing thing. The band tells everyone to be entirely quite, they COMPLETELY unplug and sing this song with everyone. Try to tell me they didn't lead everyone in that bar in worship with this song:
In your ocean I'm ankle deep,
I feel the waves crashing on my feet;
It's like I know where I need to be
But I can't figure out,
I can't figure out
Just how much air I will need to breathe
When your tide washes over me,
There's only one way to figure out
Will you let me drown?
Will you let me drown?
Hey now, this is my desire:
Consume me like a fire
Cause I just want something beautiful to touch me -
I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees
Waiting for something beautiful.
Oh-oh... something beautiful.
And the water is rising quick,
And for years I was scared of it.
We can't be sure when it will subside
So I won't leave your side,
No, I can't leave your side.
[ Needtobreathe Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
Hey now, this is my desire:
Consume me like a fire
'Cause I just want something beautiful to touch me -
I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees
Waiting for something beautiful.
Oh-oh... something beautiful,
Oh-oh... something beautiful.
In a daydream
I couldn't live like this
I wouldn't stop until I found something beautiful.
But when I wake up
And all I want, I have
You know it's still all I need - something beautiful.
Hey now, this is my desire:
Consume me like a fire
'Cause I just want something beautiful to touch me -
I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees
Waiting for something beautiful.
Oh-oh... something beautiful,
Oh-oh... something beautiful.
