What I’m learning During Lent Day 41

By Melissa

Do you have JOY that goes beyond your circumstances?  What determines your JOY?  Where is your JOY found? 

A few years ago I was in a drama at our church and a line that still stands out me is “Joy is Choice Joyce”  (the character’s name was Joyce)  That line will replays in my head often. It’s a reminder to me that I can have a choice of how I respond to the circumstances that are going on around me.  That I can choose joy even in dark times. This line of thinking of course has been challenged over this past weeks.  But I can still choose joy. I can choose it because I can look at my life:  I see my husband, an amazing man of God who makes me laugh and loves me so deeply, I can see my daughter who smiles and giggles and hugs me so tightly – I could make a list probably a 100 pages deep of things that bring joy. 

However what if like Job these things were taken away? Can I still choose joy and hope?  Could I say “though he slay me, I will hope in him” Job13:15.  Only if your trust, hope and JOY is found in Jesus can your joy go beyond your circumstances. 

So my continual challenge is choose joy in the everyday living. When I feel overwhelmed, or when the guy in front of me cuts me off or when my toddler is throwing fit at the mall – can I still choose joy.

NOW  what I’m not talking about it fakeness – forcing a smile and pretending everything is okay when your broken inside.  But it is in those broken times, frustrating times, ugly times can you still choose that inner joy that goes along with a hope found in Jesus. If you can, this joy and hope will help to pull you though.

Easy to write, harder to do.  Let’s see how it goes as I choose to really focus on this over these next few days. JOY is choice Joyce! 

²⁴Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. ²⁵Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. ²⁶Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. ²⁷No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

I sometimes wonder how different my life would be when it comes to the things that really matter, like representing Jesus to those who don't yet believe, if I took this seriously. What if I took my job as a follower of Jesus as seriously as an olympic athlete takes their competition? If I spent the vast majority of my time working as hard as I can to be the kind of person who is ready to represent Christ is every situation with honor, integrity and determination that I pray God would be pleased to use for his purposes?

Following Jesus IS like a competition. There is a prize and how we train and compete DOES matter.

What a message for me to hear! This is the second lesson I feel like God is speaking to me as a result of Izaak's short life. In honor of my son I am going to work increasingly towards this end.

What I’m learning during lent

Day 44

 Love can be tricky, can it?  I mean just look at all the songs written about it (don’t believe pick up the new John Mayer album).  The past 2 days I’ve tried focus on being more loving.  It’s been hard… I can’t believe how many times I’ve lost my temper in these past 2 days. I would stop in the middle of it and go “crap, I’m suppose to be working on loving more and I’m suppose to blog about it!”

 I read 1 Corinthians  13 and I’m realizing that  this is the prefect love  and that I fall short of this perfect love. However God does not.  I am so thankful that God looks at me and looks at you and says I love you like this:

 ^4”Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

This gives me a guide, a goal to work towards. And I’m glad that I can look towards one day being able to give perfect love as I receive it. 

I ran across this site this morning. It's the kind of thing I wish I was smart enough to dream up. I'll still with dreaming of a transformative faith community and leave this to the folks over at A Beautiful Idea. This is certainly the kind of thing though that I'd love you to check out and if you've got skills consider donating them for a good cause.

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 What I’m learning during lent- By Melissa

Day 46

Last year I did a blogging series through out lent. I had decided to fast from watching television. It was honestly an amazing time of growth in my life.  This year I’ve decided that I would participate again in lent in my own unique way. So instead of fasting I’ve decided to add something into my life.  Over the next 46 days I’m going to focus on the fruits of spirit.  Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Nine in total.  Every few days I’ll switch over to another fruit and work through what God might be saying to me and about my character through each of these.

You’re invited to come along, join in if you want. From February 17^th to February 21^st  I’m going to focus on the first fruit of spirit –LOVE. I love God’s sense of timing. This morning Layla climbed up on Tim’s lap and want to read what daddy was reading which happened to be the Bible. So what should Tim happen to read out loud – 1 Corinthians 13 – the chapter all about Love. So I think that’s where I’ll start my journey today.

Just after Izaak passed away I started running the first verse of a song I like through my head. Although John Mayer wrote it about a romantic love that's gone wrong and the pain that often accompanies that life experience I couldn't help but wonder what it will be like when I dream about Izaak. Will I ever have a picture in my mind of him as older? Will I ever see with my minds eye a day that we might have spent together? I don't know - but I imagine if I ever do have a dream like that it will feel something like this:

When you're dreaming with a broken heart 
Then waking up is the hardest part 
You roll outta bed and down on your knees 
And for a moment you can hardly breathe 
Wondering was he really here? 
Is he standing in my room? 
No he's not, 'cause he's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.... 

I went out this morning to get a coffee and forced myself to listen to this song just so that I'd feel something about it. I think the weirdest thing about this grief is that when I feel good I feel guilty for feeling good. Sometimes I just want to feel more of the weight of our loss so that I dont forget so easily what a gift my son is to me.

 So I’ve decided to be honest during this whole blogging experience. I would be easy to simply say fake words or false thoughts. But I as much I do all of this for myself I also do this for others.

 If I look for this experience just change me that would be selfish, I want my son’s life, as short as it was, to help others.

 So honesty huh? Well I thought it was suppose to be easier as time went along.  And there are parts of the grief that are easier. However I was surprised this weekend by the anger and frustration I’ve been feeling over the past few days.  There is this part of me that wants to move forward now.  I want to be about something other then just grief (although I know that will be apart for me for awhile). However the simple things that I did before like putting my daughter down for her nap I can’t do because I’m still physically healing. And this has made me so frustrated over this past couple of days.  I know it may seem silly. I mean most of the time I would love a break.

 I shared this all with Tim yesterday and with one of my good friends Kate.  Tim reminded me that these are difficult times and that’s okay.  It’s okay that I’m feeling frustrated, angry and all the other emotions that grief bring. It’s how I response to these emotions. Do I give in and allow them to simply over take me? OR do I stop, realize the reasons I feel this way and learn the lessons that God has for me in all of this.

Today I feel better. I started my day by tickling my daughter and with a good cup of coffee. Taking delight in the small things that God blesses us with everyday.

Let me start this post by saying again how much Melissa and I appreciate all of the notes, flowers, meals and prayers we've received in the past 2 weeks. Today marks 2 weeks since Izaak came and left our family and after we spent the last week away resting I wanted to tackle this week with a project that I determined to do when we got back.

As my wife did last week I'm feeling compelled to write some of my thoughts about our experience out. I think it will be helpful to me in creating a lasting memory of our short time with Izaak, will help me grieve and most of all I hope that it will help others who may be going through or will go through something similar in the future.

I remember thinking on Tuesday, Feb. 2nd, the day after Izaak passed away that one of the great ironies in all of this is that my son will end up teaching me so much more than I had the chance to teach him. Father's want to teach their sons things. It's one of the great joys of parenting and for father's I think it's so close to our hearts. So, to think that I'll never have the chance to do that with Izaak is heartbreaking. I always expected that Izaak would teach me things as we did life together - I just never expected I'd learn so much from him in only 3 hours of life lived together.

So what do I feel like he's been teaching me? Well I guess first I should say I think most of this is what God is teaching me through Izaak. 

One of the first things that hit me is this: You never know who's hurting

That same Tuesday, Feb 2nd, I had to run a few mundane errands: pick up some medicine and pijamas for Melissa and go to Swiss Chalet. It was nice to do some normal things that day - to kind of zone out and just go through some motions while being surrounded by people. As I was doing this the thought occured to me - I wonder if anyone else is wandering through Wal-Mart with the same amount of pain and grief I'm carrying? 

The reality is Melissa and I aren't the only ones how've experienced pain and grief. It happens to all of us eventually, right? I wonder how many people I've passed in my self absorbed manner, acting as if I were the most important person, frustrated at those moving too slow or seemingly off in space and not realizing the immense pain they are in? Man did that hit me like a tonne of bricks!

So here's the question I've been pondering: What if I treated everyone with the kindness that I'd treat someone who I knew was grieving and in pain?

When I said a few words at Izaak's memorial service I spoke of a father's desire to be proud of their son. I feel like I can be proud of Izaak. He brings out the best in people! The generosity, kindness and beauty of humanity has been displayed in people because of him. That makes me PROUD of my son!

What if everyone acted like that all the time? Wouldn't that be a world you want to live in? 

Furthermore, what is keeping us all from living that way? I'd put forward that nothing but ourselves keeps us from living like that.

Jesus once said that "the world will know you are mine by the way you love one another". I don't know where you stand in relationship to Jesus but imagine the beautiful picture of humanity that he was trying to paint. Can you see it in your mind's eye? Imagine all of us living the lives of compassionate love and selflessness that Jesus imagined for the world.

My son is teaching me to see other's with a different perspective and I believe if we lived that way the world would be a far better place to live.

I’m a big fan of the Olympics. For the next 17 days there won’t be much else on our television at home than these 21^st Olympic Winter Games. I love the stories of humanity that emerge from them: stories of leadership, perseverance, triumph and unity. They truly are a beautiful event.

I always look forward to the opening ceremonies. It’s glorious how we take time not just to compete but also to create culture before the games happen. The fusion of music, lights, dance and story are so often breathtaking. I felt that way while watching the opening ceremonies last night. From the aurora borealis to orcas with spouts coming out of the floor (how they heck did they do that??!!) it was a marvelous spectacle.

Perhaps the most intriguing event last night was K.d. Lang’s rendition of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah.

It’s always shocking to me when something overtly “religious” makes its way into a show like this. My jaw literally dropped wide open she started singing it.

Undoubtedly the Christian community will have wide and varied thoughts about whether this was a good or a bad thing. I don’t know where you currently sit on the scale right now but here’s what I think about it.

I think it was terrific.

The original composer, Leonard Cohen, describes the meaning of the song like this:

Hallelujah is a Hebrew word which means "Glory to the Lord." The song explains that many kinds of Hallelujahs do exist. I say: "All the perfect and broken Hallelujahs have an equal value ."

The song is an overt praise to God. The fact that 1 billion people heard it and were possibly caused to think anew about their relationship to and with God is amazing and encouraging to me.

I can imagine though that some people might be wondering “yeah, but they didn’t mean it that way did they? Couldn’t this be considered blasphemy? Is this taking the Lord’s name in vein?”

Maybe. I’ll concede that this might be true. I’ll also put forward that whether it’s blasphemy would highly depend on where the Hallelujah comes from. We must ask ourselves what the origin of this song being used was. Who put it in the ceremony: God or man?

One possible answer would be that it originates with people who don’t know God and so therefore qualifies as using the Lord’s name in vein. It’s false worship and therefore detested by God.

This could be true. I think though that to accept this we would need to believe that the only way God speaks is through those who believe in him. I don’t think we can come to that conclusion. I’d put forward that God has and still does speak in, with and through the world.

God has often used people who don’t believe in him to deliver messages about Him. He’s also used inanimate objects when no humans could be found to deliver his message – he used a donkey, a burning bush, and Jesus assured us that if his people don’t rise up to give God the praise he’s do he’ll resort to using rocks to make sure he gets praise:

⁴⁰"I tell you," he replied, "if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out."

I think it’s very clear from a reading of the scriptures that God has and still does often speak in, with, and to the world.

So, is it possible, that last night we did not witness blasphemy but we witnessed God speaking in, with, and to the world? Is it possible that because God’s people do not have the relationship and cultural influence to give God praise in the context of these opening ceremonies that God initiated praise to Himself through someone that doesn’t know Him or love Him but who still is a part of God’s sovereign plan for this world? Is it possible that God was more concerned about 1 billion people being stirred to think about Him than he was who sang the words that caused these actions to occur?

What do you think? Does God speak in, with and through the world or does he only speak through the church?

Is it possible that God is trying to wake up His people through actions like these?

Do you think there is hope that in the future we could actually see God’s people singing His praises at events like this? How would we move towards that preferred future?

By Melissa

 I don’t have a university degree hanging on my wall or a corporate job to dress up and go to everyday. My job is a full time mom, my attire is causal and my “office” has Cheerio’s on the floor.   So I write from my story, from my experience.  Some may look at my story and just see the sorrow. I’m trying to look at my story and see hope and grace.

I feel God beckoning me to share this story. In 2010 how do you share a story? Through your blog. So for those of you who read this and may not know me or who do and only know pieces of what happened let me share what happened on February 1, 2010. 

I was sitting at an uncomfortable 29 weeks pregnant with our son Izaak.  After a weekend of not feeling well Tim and I decided that Monday morning I should go to the hospital just have things checked out. As we were making arrangement for child care for our 19 month old daughter Layla my water suddenly broke. We rushed over to the hospital, which is thankfully three minutes from our house.

Once admitted, I was hooked up to monitors, given a steroid to help with Izaak’s lung development and an IV drip. The doctors soon realized that Izaak was in distress and I was rushed in for an emergency c-section. After a very difficult c-section Izaak arrived with a weak heartbeat which stopped shortly after her was born. With an amazing staff that rushed up from Sick Kids Hospital they revived Izaak and Tim was able to see him about 10 minutes later.

When Tim saw him his heart was beating on it’s own and his colour had improved greatly.  The doctors had a positive report on his condition. However that would quickly change . Due to many complications we had to make a choice; to keep Izaak on life support in a vegetative state or to let him go.   So before I had chance to hold him, Izaak was held, face to face, by God himself.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

This is why I blog about all this. That through our sorrow maybe someone else can be helped or comforted. Maybe through writing about this I, myself can be helped as work through loosing my son.

At Izaak’s memorial service our dear friend Bryan said that “God did not just create Izaak for 3 hours, he created Izaak for eternity.” Today I hold on to this.